


Surrender

by OnlyOneWoman



Series: Aces of Spades and Hearts [9]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Attraction, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality Spectrum, Canon Divergence Characters, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fear, First Time Naked, Fluff, Insecurity, Insomnia, Lowbones, M/M, Morning Cuddles, Naked Cuddling, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, asexual marriage, domestic husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 06:55:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10078505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyOneWoman/pseuds/OnlyOneWoman
Summary: Last part (promise) of my domestic modern AU ace husbands Ned and Billy. This has been a nice comfort blanket to me for the fourth BS season. Self-indulgent fluff is much needed, especially for a Billy fan now ;) Major thanks for the sweet comments on this weird little shipwreck series <3If you're a fan of History Channel's "Vikings" and remember Tadhg Murphy's role Arne, or have seen this awesome actor in another role than Ned Low, "my" Ned will be far closer to those than the Ned Low character. And Billy is definately not a "Black Sails season 4 Billy".





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aro-stova (differentsizesofinfinity)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/differentsizesofinfinity/gifts), [AshesOfYggdrasil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshesOfYggdrasil/gifts), [thewalruscaptain (nightly_division)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightly_division/gifts).



The question is not unexpected. Or hard to answer, even at this hour. Billy turns his pillow for the umpteenth time this night and lets his finger brush over the dimple between Ned’s collarbones.  
  
”Maybe.”  
”Ye thought about it too?”  
”Of course I have.”  
”And?”  
”And what?”  
”Well… would ye want to see me? I mean, all of me.”  
  
He would. Very much, actually. They’re laying in their bed without covers, unable to sleep due to the summer heat. There’s a glass of water on Ned’s nightstand and a sport bottle on his own. The last days and nights have been so hot half the country seem to have become partially paralyzed. Billy’s usually not very sensitive to heat, but now he’s just as decked as Ned. Wearing any clothes at all is actually torment, especially at night and that’s the reason why they have this conversation. Billy strokes a strain of hair from his husband’s face.  
  
”I don’t _have_ to, but I’d like to.”  
  
They’ve been together for about a year and a half, married for eight months and Billy is ridiculously happy. And he truly loves Ned’s body. It’s smaller than his own, but very strong and lithe. He loves to hold him close in all sorts of ways, sometimes they almost clinge on to each other, arms and legs just a tangled mess as they kiss and cuddle for long moments. But he’s never seen it naked. Nor has Ned seen him.  
  
Right now, as the air in their bedroom is so thick and heavy, sleeping separetely would be the best option. Only they don’t want to. Twitching and turning in this heat, not being able to get any rest and to be on your own, is not very tempting. Ned rubs his face in the pillow, sighing.  
  
”Forget it, hon. T’was just a question.”  
”I didn’t say no. I’m just a bit slow now.”  
  
He reaches for Ned’s hair again. He’s cut it recently. It reaches his chin, the fringe is slightly too long but Billy suspects he will let it grow back again. The heat make it damp against his neck and forehead and Billy twirls it between his fingers. Just as himself, Ned prefers to shave his chest.  
  
Since the wedding, their physical intimacy has changed a bit. Not in what they’re doing, but how they feel about it. As the time has gone by, pieces of lingering worry that have been parts of them for so long they’re like permanent guests in their minds, have slowly left them. It’s been both a relief and a source of worry. It’s like no matter how sure they both are which lines they don’t ever want to cross, there’s still some old fear and insecurity left. The last times they had physical intimacy with another man before they got together, are not happy memories for either of them.  
  
Billy watches his husband, who’s having his eyes closed, the eyelashes light against his skin. The way he feels for Ned goes beyond anything he’s felt for anyone before. It’s like alternating between being newly in love and best friends, having a confidant steady as a rock providing safety that also makes your heart and mind reel. He’s tried to explain it to John, one day when they came into the subject of asexuality and John being John, always accepting but also curious, argued that since Billy knew how it was to have a sexual relationship while John didn’t know how an asexual relationship felt, Billy was the best source to go to. And being his best friend he, well not exaclty owed him this, but it would be nice to know. And so, Billy had tried. He’s not sure if he succeeded.  
  
Living with Ned is, of course, not at all as living with your best friend. Many people seem to come to that conclusion though. Sure, friendship is a part of it, as in all steady relationships, but to compare their marriage with two close friends feeling strongly for each other is far from the whole truth. But their way of intimacy is sometimes hard to explain.  
  
They both like silence, but Billy’s discovered that their silence is decreasing a bit. They love to talk and they talk a lot. And it’s in their long, deep conversations that this difference between a beloved friend and a beloved partner become most clear. What Billy feels in those moments, when it seems as if their minds are one and same, is a satisfaction that no physical intimacy comes even close to give him.  
  
Just sitting or laying next to each other, talking and above all listening to each other, often leaves Billy with a relish he supposes is the closest he can get to understand the concept of a sexual person’s orgasm. He’s had orgasms, still has them if he feels the need to rub one off, but it’s just a physical function his body sometimes forces him to do. It feels good, but more in the way it feels good to take a piss or go to sleep when your body really needs to. In no way does his mind connect that biological function with his husband or any other person. He moves to stroke Ned’s warm cheek.  
  
”I’d love to, you know.”  
  
The one seeing eye looks right at him.  
  
”Really?”  
”Are you surprised?”  
”Aye. Have to admit I am.”  
”Just because I don’t want to fuck, it doesn’t mean I don’t love your body.”  
  
The slight blush is yet another thing he adores with his husband. It’s usually shown when Billy says or does something sweet Ned’s not at all prepared for. Their difficulties when it comes to their bodies are the exact opposite. While Billy’s used to be seen primarly as a body, Ned’s used to be the one other men – and women for that matter – think should be grateful for their attention.  
  
The lbgt community is far from free of body fixation and Ned doesn’t fit the beauty standards. For him to turn down sex with someone looking like the model image of a hot guy, is beyond weird to some people and there’s been a number of times when men have either laughed at him or been pissed and tried to humiliate him. And as with Billy, the boundaries haven’t always been respected. The worst responds to Ned’s rejections have been anything from insinuating to grabbing and even suggestions that he needs to be ”fixed”. Fixed as in raped. When Billy found out about that, he had to wait until he was on his way back from work the next day, before he could drive off to an empty place and cry his eyes out.  
  
The lack of respect for their bodies has always been a problem with others, not only with people they’ve been in love with. In various degrees, they simply don’t like to be touched by people in general. For Ned, the theatre has been the one safe place for touches, since acting often demands it. Billy’s not really had a similar place. Bouncing into each other on a soccer field doesn’t really compare. He’s been keenly aware for many years that most people trying to touch him when it’s not necessairy, does it for the chance of having sex with him and than once they realise he doesn’t want to, his chances to have some cuddles and kisses are gone with the wind. Not one guy who promised that was enough, has fully respected that until now. Billy moves a little closer, nuzzling Ned’s nosetip.  
  
”You... are… the prettiest man I know.”  
  
He lets his fingers move from Ned’s hair down his spine.  
  
”I love you. _All_ of you.”  
  
Loves to kiss him, getting lost in how he feels. Billy pulls him close, giving a shallow kiss that soon grows deeper. The little sounds of pleasure coming from them, remove them both from their old wounds, bringing them back to the now where they’re once again lost to each others hands and mouths. When Ned moves to tug at Billy’s shorts, he lets it happen without even shifting focus from the kissing. He removes them, Ned takes off his own and just as that, they see each other naked for the first time.  
  
It’s not a big deal in itself. At all. It’s not as if they’ve not seen another man’s cock before, it’s not about that. It’s about knowing you can lay like this and the man laying next to you doesn’t think you’ve changed. Billy puts his arm under Ned’s head and goes back to kiss him. His husband’s hand moves in circles over his shoulders and when they feel all of each other, realising non of them wont change, that the worries were all ghosts from the past, it’s as if they’re finally able to let old wounds rest.  
  
Of course, no new urges are showing, but long years of fear, of others expectations, of not being believed aren’t so easily ignored.  But they’re just two husbands in a naked embrace that feels good but means so little compared to how their minds can swirl together. All humans have bodies and the many ways they can differ are still not even close to the shiftings in their minds. They don’t feel closer now, being naked together is just a new experience they share, but maybe the last piece of assuring they need is finally in place. Another man, a man you love, will respect your boarders even when you move them.  
  
The warm night is slowly turning into dawn as they lay in their tired, relieved embrace. The air turns sligthtly more fresh, breathing and relaxing becomes easy again. Ned is tucked in Billy’s arms, his heart beating steady against Billy’s hand. Yes, they’re all skin now in this chokingly hot night and all Billy can think of as he feels his husband falling asleep, is how damn fucking amazing it feels to see and touch all of this man. Every inch of him is beauty and not only because Billy loves him.  
  
Ned’s body is strong and lithe, his skin soft and covering muscles from years of physically demanding roles and a restless lust for walking in undisturbed nature for hours. To have this beauty so close without feeling lost, worried or broken for the way he responds to it, is nothing but mind-blowing and Billy’s very grateful Ned’s asleep. That alone is a sign of how much the man trusts him. How much they trust each other.  
  
He sees how the air from the dawn outside gives Ned goosebumps in his sleep. How the light hairs on his arms raise a little. The gap between the roller blind and the window lets the pink early morning light in their bedroom, playing over the skin.  
  
Billy uses his toes to grab hold of the empty sleeping sheet that’s crinkled in a pile by Ned’s feet. Carefully to not disturb the man, he pulls it up halfways with his feet before he spreads it out over their tangled forms with his hand. Ned moves a little, body still restless.  
  
”Muppet…”  
”Yeah?”  
”Tis cold…”  
”Want me to close the window?”  
”Nah… Just hold me…”  
  
This is his to have. All of it. A man who’s heart and mind can make his own both rest and flutter. A flitting little bird in his chest. One single eye seeing what others failed to see with two. If Billy feels more than he already does, he’s positive he’ll combust. He pulls his husband closer, nuzzling his neck. Just before the dawn becomes morning, his heart surrenders to stillness.  
  
**THE END**

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in a less fluffy and quite angsty story about Ned and Billy, taking place about three years after their wedding, there is a series called "Down Foreverdark Woods Trail", currently parted in two parts, "While The Night Still Hides The Withering Dawn" and "Banished From Sanctuary". There might be a third part.


End file.
